someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
