There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
