i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
