last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize