Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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