why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
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When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize