All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize