We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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