Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
