I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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