the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
