I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
