Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
