I can text with my tongue
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
