Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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