so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
