dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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