you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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