hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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