I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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