Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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