He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
