jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
