MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
