He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
