i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
