I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
people are starting to question the shark bite story
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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