I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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