meet me or not, i'm out of control
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
