why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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