That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
