I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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