Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
