you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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