oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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