If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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