There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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