I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
