I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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