omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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