do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
