There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Are we still banned from the library?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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