I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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