Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Randomize
