you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
