I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I need to sanitize my soul.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
