our cab driver is having phone sex.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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