entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
