what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
