so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
