I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
