considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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