If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
