HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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