The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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