I want to stick my p in your. b.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
