She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
