last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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