My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My vagina is officially offended.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
