How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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