Can Purell be used as lube?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
