I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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