U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
