Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
