I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
