All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
