Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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