I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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