Sry I called you an 8
your thong is hanging out like whoa
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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