So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
