it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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