ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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