I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
