you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
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