Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
