It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
