i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
