She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
