My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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